Between My Ears

I was writing my Morning Pages this morning (a writing tool from The Artist's Way) and as usual, when I use the tools, they work! The practice is to write 3 pages long hand, quickly, every morning as soon as you get up. It clears the cobwebs and quiets the Censor and often, as this morning, offers breakthroughs. When I got to the bottom of the 3rd page today, I was on a roll, had been given a metaphor that I had to keep writing - two more pages.
I keep going back to the flying. The "say I'm a bird" scene from The Notebook (see previous post). I am that bird, the one sitting in the nest, wanting to fly, but not believing I can. Believing the lies I've been told or somehow absorbed over my lifetime. Right now, today, I can't even really pinpoint a particular place or person they came from, but they are there. I think it was more of a mindset, a worldview, a teaching that I was steeped in, or somehow acquired over the years. Picture a bird who has nothing wrong with her (NOTHING WRONG WITH HER!) but she doesn't fly because she doesn't believe she can. She's even tried to step to the edge of the nest and attempt it, but the other birds started laughing and pointing, "Look at her! She really thinks she is going to fly!! Who does she think she is?" So she crawls down off the edge and slumps back into the nest, trying to make herself content with staying there with the others. But she is not content. She is comfortable, to a point, but not happy. She knows, she KNOWS in her gut that she is capable of more, but when she thinks about flying....well, she doesn't even really know what it feels like, so it's hard to imagine. All she does know it that it looks like FREEDOM! It looks like exhilaration! It looks like something she HAS to do! She knows the other birds are going to try to keep her down, she knows they are going to laugh and jeer and say she is going to crash.... but that's only because they are afraid of flying and don't want her to have any fun if they aren't.
So, what does she have to do? First, she has to work on silencing the lies she believes, and replace them with truth and possibilities. She has to work her wing muscles so they will hold her up when she steps out. She has to preen her feathers to prepare them for flight.... this is SO interesting... I just googled Preening and found out some interesting things... it's not just for looks as is often the connotation in our language. It is vital for maintaining the functionality of the wings! So this bird has to preen her feathers not just to look good, but to ensure a safe flight.
Now I am working on transferring this metaphor into my life.... what does all this mean? I'm only beginning to scratch the surface, and don't really know all of the implications, but some things are immediately apparent. I have to clear out old beliefs and replace them with the new. I can fly. I can be strong. I can write. I can draw. I can break out of the family legacy of constantly being on a diet but never losing weight. I can be a happy, healthy, strong, active 50-year-old woman!
And the preening? How does that translate? I know that part of that is getting my body ready, feeding it well and moving it. Also, the article on preening said that one of the purposes is to remove parasites from the feathers! Now there's a mental picture! Don't we all have a parasite or two who is draining the life out of us and ruffling our feathers?? Time to preen! Preening also includes applying a layer of waterproofing to the feathers (from a gland near the tail, who knew?!). So what is the parallel for waterproofing in my life? It is a protective barrier, which to me means boundaries. Placing something between me an other people, other situations, other annoyances that will inhibit my flying.
As much as I'd like all of this to be an instantaneous change, it is a process. Birds spend hours and hours a day, preening every single feather. Then, when they do fly, they have to preen again, to remove the crap they picked up and realign the feathers.
As I ponder and apply this metaphor, I will be back to share...
(and here's the link to the article on preening: http://birds.suite101.com/article.cfm/why_do_birds_preen)